Off topic: What did you do this summer?

I have a confession. I have become a Facebook stalker. It all started out innocent enough I guess. Occasionally glancing at photo albums from friends trips, until one day, I caught myself purposely seeking out the Info tab of some friends to see if anything new was happening.

I blame my distance. The world, friends and faces I grew up with are moving along without me. How else am I supposed keep up? But I digress…

My real reason for this off topic post is that age-old question, “What did you do this summer?” I remember dreading that question, and unfortunately, as sure as the sun will rise, it would come up at the beginning of every school year. As a little kid I can remember sitting in my desk trying to come up with some halfway decent answer and inevitably failing. Truth is, my family and I rarely went anywhere when I was growing up. I can count the number of vacations we took on one hand.

Sure enough, the teacher would start at one corner of the room and off we would go retelling our adventures for the last two months. The room would fill with lofty tales of cruises or trips to the beach. Somebody would always chime in with a trip to Disneyworld. But all of these would come crashing to the floor as soon as that one kid in the room mentioned Europe.

I usually had to follow that kid.

Interestingly enough, my recently developed habit of Facebook stalking has brought to my attention a new evolution in this timeless question. Gone, it seems, are the days or waiting for the teacher to give you the open invitation to ooh and ah your friends. Now, its as easy as a tweet and the world knows just how cool your summer was.

School is back in session, and the Facebook photo albums are piling up. Countless people are doing the profile makeover. And it seems, we Christians have our own brand of “pimp my profile.”

In case you may not be sure if your friend had a “Christian summer”, here is the evidence:

  1. Their most recent photo album title has the words “camp” and “creek” in it. Other variations will be words that end in “crest”, “cove”, or “ridge.”
  2. They are giving some person from the third world a side hug in their profile pic. Bonus points should be given for the shot of them surrounded by a crowd of children. If its on a dirt road its better still. Alternately, they may be standing entirely too close to some animal that should have already eaten them, and there is no cage between them and said animal.
  3. They clog your news feed with constant “liking” of obscure causes and charities.
  4. The “Write something about yourself.” blank on their profile has been filled with some recently learned statistic about illiteracy or “global lostness” in the “10-40 window.”
  5. Their profile references the “10-40 window.”
  6. Instead of ridiculously skimpy swimsuits, they opted for the do-rag and long dress look as the outfit of choice in all their summer photos. (Guys will be wearing the pants with legs that zip off.)
  7. Their status updates, which sound like a love letter to an old boyfriend, are actually lyrics out of some new worship song they heard at that camp whose name ends in “creek”, “crest”, or “cove”. (See point 1.)
  8. In the Religious Views blank on their Info page, the actual denomination they belong to has been replaced with, “Hopelessly and endlessly pursuing the one, true, holy, matchless, boundless, unchanging, creator of heaven and earth, who fills my heart with inexpressible joy.” Or something like that.
  9. They have an ongoing wall discussion full of inside jokes with their new best friend they met while building a house in Alaska.

Oh, and the list goes on. What do you think belongs on this list? Comment below with your additions…

 

 

9 Comments

  1. Candra Pennington said:

    hahahaha!!!!! Wow. This is so very true. Very Perceptive Keelan:)

    September 6, 2010
    Reply
  2. Alex Rehn said:

    10. They constantly refer to how much they miss "the field" or "the bush", and how their perspective on American wealth and opportunity has changed. All this as posted from their i-phones.

    September 6, 2010
    Reply
  3. Eric said:

    Keelan-

    Weren't you the kid this summer that went to Europe (and Asia, too!) to see the ruins of ancient churches this summer? Sounds like you're the cool kid this school year!

    Its okay though – I live on a "ridge" in the "10-40 window" and sometimes wear zip-off pants.

    September 6, 2010
    Reply
  4. Erika Dean said:

    This made my day. Well done. 🙂

    September 6, 2010
    Reply
  5. Keelan said:

    Alex – spot on! That's hilarious, or sad (I'm not sure, but it is one of the two).

    Eric – guilty as charged. I finally got to be the cool kid this year, and I do indeed have some zip-off pants myself. As a matter of fact, I imagine I am guilty of a couple of these myself.

    Thanks for the words everyone.

    September 6, 2010
    Reply
  6. imbeni84 said:

    I'm the exact opposite. I spent more time at home this summer than I have in nine years. Guess I'm not the cool kid.
    Heidi

    September 7, 2010
    Reply
  7. Keelan said:

    Aww shucks… you're still cool in my book Heidi.

    September 10, 2010
    Reply
  8. naomikk said:

    Keelan, I have been a Facebook stalker all along. I think that most of us have become stalkers. I just discovered your blog, and this post is ridiculously fun. Thanks for the laughs 🙂

    October 14, 2010
    Reply
  9. Keelan said:

    Naomi… glad you enjoyed it. I'm also glad I am not the only one using FB for its stalking potential.

    Maybe we should start a support group or something…

    October 15, 2010
    Reply

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